Hua! Hu Ji Hua!

On Tuesday, my noon lecture was cancelled becoz lecturer was sick. Hurray! Ok dun get me wrong. I'm not rejoicing becoz my lecturer is sick but becoz I was able to join the church staff for their staff outing. Ok! I'm not a church staff! But I'm 'close' enough! haha! They were goin to have a picnic at Botanic Garden. WOo Hoo! I think the last time i went was Kindergarden. I vaguely still remember we were all walking around (aimlessly). No idea why I'm looking at trees. Den saw batman hanging on a tree. Guess it didn't manage to get a bath. It was smelling. Den we had lunch which I tot I had a hard time eating. It was packet rice with 1 meat and 1 vege. At that time, I dun eat vege. So was trying to 'pretend' to eat the vege den while nobody is watching, quickly cover the packet and throw away. haha! Well! Coming back to the outing, so went to church to meet the staff. Den Karen was not too keen to drive as she wasn't too sure of the way. So I got the privilege to drive. Haha! Yeah! So drove to Botanic den found a hut where everybody gathered and had our picnic. Everybody was starving. Haha! After lunch was worship and games. And after that we went to S'pore Orchid Garden. Quite impressive. Walk around and I'm amazed at the varieties and names of Orchids. After the walk, we went to a "high-classed'' food court where we had our teabreak. Roti John, Prata, Indian Rojak, Murtabak, drinks. Oh shucks! I think i had put on weight siah! Though i perspire alot from the walk, i think i gain more weight than I have lost. Haha! After the makan, we all left for home.
I really thank God for this church and the staff. Though I had only managed to work with most of them for a year, they had always treated me like one of them. Church is as good as my home. The staff are as good as my own immediate family. Even as i enjoy such priviledges, I learn that I can't take things for granted. I have to make an effort to help them. Whenever I go church, I will always go to church office first to offer my help. This is also my way of thanking them for 'looking' after me. haha! I really can't imagine when i start to work. I will have less time during weekday to pay a visit to the church. I'm goin to miss all these good times. (hmmm. unless i work in church) haha! hmmmm......! haha!

In Memory of VINCE

I received a bad news on Tuesday afternoon. A student in Changkat Changi Secondary Sch had send me a SMS saying that Vince, a student whom I had kept in touched with, had passed away. I thought it could be a mistake. I called up the school and checked with one of the teachers. It was confirmed. I was shocked. He was so young. I was still talking to him face to face a few months ago. I knew him for nearly 3 years. And I never get to know him better. As a friend, I'm not too sure if I had done enough. And I never get to share the good news to him. It's too sudden. And I am so busy this semester that I couldn't go to the school and I never got to speak to him. The last thing that I talked to him was about him having to go to work to get money to support himself. He also briefly mentioned abt his family problems. I simply gave him some advise and told him to call me if he needed any help. I wish I had done more. More than just opening that gap. I thank Vince that during the period when we regularly met, his joy and humour would never fail to brighten up others life.
Vince, you will always be remembered.

Throw or not to throw

ARRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! I wish I can throw tantrum. I wish I can just behave like a small kid and simply ignore everything and just play with my tantrum. Or maybe I just want to be 5. No need to think too much. Just be happy everyday. Innocent and ignorance. ARRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHH!

I think i will just closed myself up for a while. Leave me alone. Dun bother me.

Ding Dong! Anybody home?

Is it worth knocking on a closed door? If by knocking, is it considered disobedience, taking things into my own hand? Even if I do knock, how will i react when the door open or when the door remain shut? There's so much things to consider. It's just a door. Can't it be just simplier? And to make things worse, there's fencing, there's guard dog, there's all sort of barriers to the door. What is the intention of all these? Do I take it as an answer as "No, dun bother to go to the door. It's not meant to be. Move on" or do I see it as "It's not going to be easy. Dun give up. Must persevere on" Can't it be simplier? Just a simple Yes or No. I can take the answer. If it's a straight No, den i will just simply move on! But it's neither here nor there.

9"So I say to you: Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. 10For everyone who asks receives; he who seeks finds; and to him who knocks, the door will be opened.

Luke 11:9-10

This is Your word. I want to be bold and ask. But yet Lord, not my will but Yours! Help me to discern, help me to know Your will, help me not to look left nor right but fix my eyes on You!

Tuning In

Dun know why but recently tunes are ringing in my mind. It gets stronger everytime when I think of a theme. At present, I have 2 tunes in my mind. 1 is related to Cambodia. Even as I am in the midst of preparing for my 3rd trip up, the Lord is speaking alot to me. From a member to a team leader and now a team advisor. It's quite a big jump and to be frank, I'm feeling abit inadequate. And also with new dynamics of the team and the mission itself, it seems that there are so much things to deal with. I am also making an effort to read up more. Even as I am preparing myself, the Lord impressed upon me abt the people in Cambodia. He reminded me of what the people had gone thru, the sufferings of war, and now poverty and spirtual emptiness. They really need the love of God. They really need to hear about Jesus' good news. And as I ponder upon all these, the tune started to pour in. The words have not been formed but I have a rough idea how the lyrics will flow. The sufferings they had gone thru before and now, and that God is there to heal and build them up once again.
Then the second tune is in relation to my state of life. Lyrics not out but one thing I will say is that it points to His love, His providence, His faithfulness, His timing.
I'm really excited. I never thought I will be able to compose. I dare not say all these songs are fantastic and 'audible' but to me, it is significant becoz these are songs between me and God. Let these be a worship unto You, the Almighty.

For YOU

A few posting ago, I mentioned about God inspiring me with a tune. I must say it's amazing. I dun dare to say this piece of work is perfect but I must say it is something very dear to me becoz it's my own experience and most importantly, God's hands at work. I was going thru an issue with some frens and that's when God came in to reconcile the situation. I guess there's pain and regrets but after this, I believe God has built and reconciled the relationship to the next level. The 'scar' though healed will serve as a reminder of God's grace and love for us. Coming back to the song, during the initial period of the issue, I was pretty sad and disappointed. I tried to talk to someone abt the issue but there wasn't anyone nor was there any clear direction. I knew I had to come to God. As I poured out to Him, He placed this tune into my heart. I was very assured by the tune becoz I knew He heard me and He wanted to speak to me thru this tune. I tried putting words into it but nothing came out. But the tune was good enough. Then the following day, one of the fren came up and apologised for his mistake. I know that he was remorse and was sincere in his apology. Then was followed by an sms from the rest to apologise. At that point, i wasn't angry anymore. I was still disappointed but I'm glad they realised their foolish acts. After this incident, amazingly as i was playing the tune on my guitar, the words start pouring in.
Basically, the whole song is abt the incident. In a body of Christ, there may be times we have hurt each other in our word and actions. There's is the 'victim' and the 'culprit'. But if we bring our conflicts to God, we will see that God is a gracious and loving God. So as for the 'culprit', he/she must humble him/herself and apologise to the 'victim' and also most importantly with God. And as for the 'victim', learn to be forgiving just like what Jesus has taught us "Forgive our sins as we forgive those who sin against us" As we reconciled our differences, let us move on together, encouraging each other, building up each other for all of us are walking the same path that reaches the same goal. Let's do all these for our Lord. Let's ask our Lord to anoint us with His oil and that our heart will burn for Him. Everything that we do, we do it for His sake. I humbly present to you this song inspired by my Majesty - "For You"

We may have hurt each other with our words and what we've done
We may have carried with us pain and shame
Life is all about moving on in God's grace and love
So let us look to Him,
The God of love
Who forgive and heal our pain

Jesus Christ, pour oil on our fire
Let the flame burn for You
Just for You
Standing hand in hand
We run the race
As we reach the line for You
Jesus Christ, pour oil on our fire
Fan the flame in us
Just for You
Our love for You is revealed in the love for one another
I live for You

27He answered: " 'Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength and with all your mind'[c]; and, 'Love your neighbor as yourself.

Matthew 10:27

A... is for Apple B is for Banana.....

A lthough things are not perfect;
B ecause of trials or pain;
C ontinue in thanksgiving;
D o not begin to blame;
E ven when the times are hard;
F ierce winds are bound to blow;
G od is forever able;
H old on to what you know;
I magine life without His love;
J oy would cease to be;
K eep thanking Him for all the things;
L ove imparts to thee;
M ove out of "Camp Complaining";
N o weapon that is known;
O n earth can yield the power;
P raise can do alone;
Q uit looking at the future;
R edeem the time at hand;
S tart every day with worship;
T o "thank" is a command;
U ntil we see Him coming;
V ictorious in the sky;
W e'll run the race with gratitude;
(e)X alting God most high;
Y es, there'll be good times & yes some will be bad, but...
Z ion waits in glory...where no one is ever sad!

Quality Time....

Today went to visit granny with my mum. So both of us were alone together and while on the MRT, we were chit-chatting. Very rare occasion, i must say. While most of the time, it was her talking but I enjoyed every minute of it. She will be talking abt things in the past, when she was young till her adulthood and etc. Haha! Really interesting. Today, after 25 year existence on earth, I finally heard the story about how she met my dad. She was saying that after graduation, she had been working for a few years. Then she decided to quit and go to Hawaii for holidays. At that time, she was staying at her parents shop houses. So got this neighbour shophouse uncle whom the family know wanted to recommend to my mum this guy who is a Hainanese and single. Hehe. So my granny was asking my mum to try to go and know him as a fren first lorh. But my mum decline becoz she said she not interested and that she is going for 3 months overseas holiday. So she nvr got to know him and she left for Hawaii. Den after 3 months, when my mum came back, she found out that the guy was staying in one of the romm of the neighbour's shophouse. But den nvr got to see him. So the 'kay poh' neighbour once again went to 'ka jiao' my mum. So finally after much persuasion, she finally agreed to try to meet him. Den got once, he was sitting outside the shophouse while my mum came out of the shophouse. As my mum needed to run an errand, she was in a rush and he nvr got to see her. Den finally when they met, he said to my mum, "wow, you walked so fast, until i can't see you" haha! Den my mum was saying her first impression of him wasn't too good. Dun know how to dress. 'Orh biang' Haha! Well! After that, all is history. haha! I dun know. You may think it's a fairy tales ending after all these. I won't dare to say so. I know my mum had suffered and sacrificed so much for the family. And she will always advised me to marry a Christian girl. I know where she is coming from. She is not against non-Christians girls but she knows that if I want to serve God fully, I will need the support and help of one who knows God's heart. And I truly agree with her, having her as life-experience example. She never had the spiritual support from her husband, she has to deal with his irresponsibilities but yet not neglecting her responsibilities. And I must say all these are not becoz she is a mentally strong person but becoz she simply trust in God. She may have regretted getting married to a non-Christian man but her faith grew stronger everyday. But yet i must say, it's not an easy life. Marrying to a Christian partner doesn't mean that there are no problems or issues. All these still exists but we know that God is in control and when it comes to differences, we bring it to God to settle it. But if one partner isn't a Christian, he/she will not be able to understand this, and a lot of times friction turns into bush fires.

From my own family, these are the things that will happen if one of the partner is not a Christian:

1) No spiritual authority or support

For ladies whose husband is not a Christians, there is no spiritual authority in the sense, that God has placed the authority in the hands of the man of the household. If the man is not a believer, then how can he exercise God-given authority. And like-wise, as a man, and if your partner is not a Christian, she will not be able to understand your involvement in church. Initially, she may be fine with your involvement but after a while she may resent tat you are spending too much time in church. There's no spiritual support from her side. After a while, you may be battling to a sad ending. Well! All these can be resolved if the partner is converted. True! i agreed that there are such real-life cases but den firstly it's by God's grace and secondly, let's not forget there are also many cases that didn't succeed.

2) Different belief may result in unnecessary friction

Maybe when both parties are studying or just got to know each other, there is more room for freedom and also grace. But as time goes by, the non-believing party may be wondering why the other party is spending so much time in church. Look at it this way. When you start working, every weekday, you work from 8-6pm. (not including OT and blah blah blah) So it leaves you with weekend as your free time. For me, weekend is nearly all spent in church. (I'm not a fanatic, it's just that my main social circle revolves mainly in church) So how am i able to spend time with my non-believing partner. (well! yes again! the prob will be solved if she is converted! But let's put it this way, I dun wan to take unnecessary risk!) And after a while, the other party will feel that you are placing church over them.

3) Compromising

This usually happen when Christians try to resolve the above problems. "I will simply manage my time spent in church" First will be "I will go for only Sunday service and Friday Cell" Den next will be "I will only go for Sunday service" and next will be "I will attend Easter and X'mas svc" and next will be........... Cutting down the time commitment in church so as to be with their partners. Hmmmm......

4) Unable to fully worship God

I guess this is the main reason why I would not want to have a non-Christian partner. If she never get to convert, I will never be able to fully worship God. Why? Becoz a part of me is not able to worship God. If you understand, when two comes together, they become one. And if you do realise, when 2 come together, it is more than just the lovey dovey part but most importantly, the 2 shd help each other to better worship God! I can't imagine myself trying to worship God and yet in my mind having the burden that she is not saved. I need one who not only love God but also one who can assist me in walking the path the Lord has set for us.

I'm not saying that having a non-believing partner is wrong or a sin. I just feel that there are alot of things to look into before you want to make this choice. And all i can say is there's consequences for every action. If it's a good move, you shd praise God for His grace and love. If it's a bad move, den all i can say is people make mistakes and you shd simply just move on in God's grace and love.

I make this prayer to God. I told Him that I will only wait for a Christian lady who fear and love Him and that she likewise will only wait for a Christian guy who fear and love Him. Sometimes when I think about, I thought that I was plain foolish. Haha! What am I asking for? I must be out of my mind. Maybe? Maybe not! Let this be a test of my faith! Let this be a chance for me to witness the faithfulness of God!

Think before you speak!

I'm sure every era, every century, every generation, pple will have their own form of lingos. This is how they identify with one another. I enjoy every part of the lingo we have becoz many have been formed out of pure creativity. There are also those that were formed becoz of certain incident and it helps us to identify with one another. To outsiders, it may mean nothing and maybe hilarious but it makes a lot of sense to us. But yet, every time I have to be careful with my usage of lingos. Many a times there are a lot of dangers and traps which we do not see. Certain lingos we do not see the significance or we do not know the origin of it. It may have negative influence to ourself without knowing it.

I see that in this generation, pple have been liberalising certain words that are debatable in nature. Like the word gay and lesbian and all the root words. (Hear me clearly, I dun hate gays or lesbians but I dun condone their behaviours.) I see that there are people using the word freely in the sense that these words can becomes adjectives for things. Like some people dun like some things or feel awkward abt something, they will say "this thing is so gay" I have someone telling me this "this color is so gay" just simply becoz he doesn't like it. I was shocked. So mean a colour can be gay? What's next? The colour is HIV contagious huh? Or people seeing guys or girls behaving very intimidating with their good, same gender frens, they will jokingly comment that that is so gay or les. My goodness! Pple do not know what they are saying. As Christians, we believe that God has made Man to be Man and Woman to be Woman. Gayism or lesbianism are a distortation from the evil one. If you understand this, we will be extremely careful not to use these words freely becoz everytime we say or use such words, we are basically saying to the evil one, "Well done! I accept what you are doing in all these people's life!" You may argue that all these are said out of fun with no malicious intention but I tell you, would you go around saying the F word to everyone and say that it's out of fun and no malicious intention. That's something we do want to think abt!

There are also certain words that we commonly used in our daily lives. It seems harmless. We nvr knew its origin but since everyone is using it and no one complains abt it, it shd be alright. Are you sure? I dun think i want to be too comfortable following the majority. Words like "damn" and "bloody". It is commonly used to replace the word 'very' or 'to a great extent'. For example, "You are very pretty" which translates to "You are damn or bloody pretty." Maybe it could be out of exaggeration or sarcasim. The word 'damn' comes from the word "condemn" and if you understand, blood to us Christians reminds us of Jesus' blood. The earlier examples are used in a positive context so it's still not too bad. But many a times, such words are used in bad comments. For example, "You are damn or bloody stupid". The word condemn is a very harsh word and it means you are hopeless, good for nothing. The word damn in itself is such a lousy and negative word. Whether using it for a good or bad comment, it 'corrupts' the message. Let your Very be Very. Also the word bloody which reminds us of Christ and how precious His blood shed for us, we better think twice or even a few more times before we want to use the word to spice up our converstation.

Also there are certain rude words which have been commonlised by the society. So it doesn't sound too 'bad' when said as it is commonly used. For example, "shit lah", "kick your asshole", "WTH", etc...... These are not so nice things to say. It hurts others and it just simply reflect your own nature.

"But the things that come out of the mouth come from the heart, and these make a man 'unclean"

Matthew 15:18

There's this sister of mine and have a habit of saying the word "shit''. So was having a chat with her on this issue and reminded her of the verse and that it requires a conscious effort to remind herself not to say the word. So after a few days, there was this moment that she wanted to spurt out that word but immediately, she withhold her tongues. Though we could tell that she was on the verge of saying that word, I must say I'm impressed with her effort. That's how we need to do to change our bad habits. It's not overnight but it's not impossible. We need to feed ourselves with God's word and understand His word and den we will be convicted by the Spirit that we need to change and that with the guidance and strength from God, we make an effort to change. Let's us continue to encourage one another in doing what is right for God!

I Need............ YOU!

Today was the big day. Most of the things were done. Just left a few more things to tie up and all will be settled. Well! Before this, the day before, I was actually panicking alreadi. As I go thru the items that I need to do, it seemed like there were so many things undone. I told myself that I need to wake up at 7am the next morning to 'piah' and finish up as much things as possible. And another problem with me is that I am quite a 'solo kia'. I do everything myself and I prefer not to delegate to other pple. Despite my worries, I told God to take care of all the matters that were still not done up. So the next morning, I woke up only at 9am. Surprisngly, I wasn't too caught up with the things. So I left for church and reached abt 1o.30am. By around 11am, the rest of the team members were in church. They too had came down to help with the decoration of the event. At that point, I wasn't too sure if I shd trouble them and ask them to help with the remaining task. I just tot of doing it all myself. Den I was just prompted to just ask them. And I just ask them to help me with these and that. And amazingly, things start to finish up faster than i would have if i have done it myself. By 1.15pm, we have cleared all the things we need to do. I was so relieved. In past attempts to lead in events, I was always very pressured and panicky even on the day of event. Becoz firstly, I always fail to delegate work and do everything myself and secondly, I simply just trusted in my own strength. This time round, I'm learning to be more team-minded, getting the team to make decisons and be in charge of certain areas which free me up. (Though i feel i still can delegate more work). Thank you so much for the team, namely, Darren, Wen Yuan, Yvonne, Xin Ling whom have helped so much in the preparation. Also I will like to thank those others who though not in the committee, have been helping us in a way or another. And also those who had kept the team in prayer. And most importantly God for His guidance. I won't dare to say that this year's For Men For Women Celebration Night is a success, but I know God takes delight in it. Everything move so smoothly and this is my 1st time as an emcee, and i simply just told God to take control and He lead. Haha! Pretty fun! Maybe next time will get a partner to co-emcee. : ) hehe.......
My throat now a bit sore from the constant explanation of how to play the games and from the constant raising of my voice to 'try' to bring out the excitement. I realised I can't scream like before. My voice box must have been damaged. I raised my voice a bit higher for a few times and it starts to hurt. Haha! But dun know why. Hitting into mood swing again. Feeling happy but yet moody. I dun know how such two extreme can exist together. It's like I'm walking and running at the same time. Haha! 'sob sob" Hmmmm.......

Dear Father, thank You so much for Your love and Your faithfulness. Thank You for Your hands that carry us up when we are in difficulties. Sometimes we think too much with our own limited wisdom and knowledge and we conclude that we have an answer. But Lord, how foolish can we be at times. We fail to see Your plan which is far better than what we can comprehend. Den Lord, I ask that You give me the patience to wait upon You, knowing and trusting that You have the best for me. And most importantly is that I need You more than any other things. So Lord have Your way in me! Amen.

Life... is all about moving on in God's grace and love

What do people do when they are hurt or depressed? It always seem like these people will never come out from this situation. Even if they get over it, it leaves a deep scar that never heals properly. For me, I always find enough grace to move on from the situation and though there's a scar, it just serve as a reminder that God is faithful. I'm not sure if it applies for everybody. For me, I must give thanks to God. I am very privileged to have a God who is forgiving and loving and faithful. Because of what He had done in my life and how He had treated me, I know He is in control of everything. Emotions are something I believe that the Lord has blessed us with. We are beings with freedom to exercise our feelings. We can be happy, we can be sad, we can be angry, we can be quiet..... There's nothing wrong even if our feelings are negative. It's only wrong if we bring it to the extreme. It is wrong if our sadness becomes bitterness, if our anger becomes hatred.... These are not from God. Basically, where is God when we are expressing our emotions? In our happiness, is God our source of happiness. In our sadness, do we turn to God for comfort and help. In our anger, do we turn to God to look upon His grace and love? In my best conscious effort, when i'm in any emotions, I try to bring God in. One thing I feel the Lord has blessed me with is the ability to move on from set-backs or hurts. This is not becoz I'm a gracious or forgiving person but becoz I know God is gracious and loving. Recently, certain thing had happened and it really brought me closer to God. As we read Psalm, you will find that there are many songs written by David when he is in situations of difficulties. His songs are cry out to God and also there are songs that glorified God for his deliverance. And somehow like David, I had this experience. A tune started to form in my head as I look to Him for counsel. And I really feel so much for this song not becoz I compose it but God has given this song not just to me but us. I hope I can share this song soon, after the whole situation has been closed. To God be the glory, for the things He has done! Amen!

Worship.... Drama..... Abstract Mime.....Dance

Really such an enjoyable day. Though very tired and most of the time couldn't really concentrate. After church 2nd svc, went for a Worship Symposium at erh Church of the Accesion. Is it? Can't remember. So it was worship first led by Clement Chow. (he was the composer for Count on me Singapore) He was on accoustic guitar with a saxaphonist player. Led in 2 songs. Majesty and Here I am to worship. The chords he played is quite interesting, different from the usual chords. Pretty creative but there were certain points the unusual chords didnt' fit in. So was like one moment feeling very refreshed by the new style den the other moment feeling distracted becoz it just didn't fit. haha. Afterwhich was a devotion by Rev Canon James Wong. Wow! His sharing really meaty. So much things and so much reference. I was having a hard time finding my way thru the 'fatty meats'. After the devotion, we broke into our clinics. I had signed up for Performing Acts. hehe! I would have loved to sign up for Guitar or Bass but I tot I wanted something different from the usual. I like performing arts though I have not done any. So why not? Something new for a change. Only 4 guys and about 10-12 ladies. Haha! Today's clinic was on Mime. The teacher is Dawn. She graduated from some Art Sch. So for the first half, she was giving a whole load of introduction. Really interesting but catch no ball. haha! But one thing I found out was tat Mime is not always a silent play. A silent play is a form of Mime. haha! I nvr knew that. After introduction, she got us to do some warmup which was near to distorting our body. Thankfully i'm still pretty sporty and flexible. There was this move where you lie on your back and with both leg straighten, move it towards your head and touch the ground with your toes. Haha! I was able to do it last time when I was still learning TaeKwanDo. And guess what? i still can do. Did it for 4 times and den kena leg cramp. haha! So after the warm up, she demonstrated some footwork. Very interesting. We all get to try out and to be frank it wasn't easy and require a lot of focus and effort. So after a while everybody start to feel the strain. Den the last 1o minute, she did a Mime for us. (she is into abstract Mime) So was very good. I was so engrossed into her passion and acting. That's the kind of art of looking for. Abstract art. It's all about feeling and being part of the play. I really enjoy it. As I ponder, how i wish I could go and explore this area of art? It is so fun, it's so satisfying, it's so aspiring, it's so enjoyable, it's so exciting, it's so full of surprises. I dun know how to express my feelings. It's something i tot i can use for the works of God, to spread His message, His love. Haha! Well! maybe if i was much younger, much thinner and have the support, I would have moved into this area. Well! I guess not. But I dun think I will end my dream here. I can't be a dancer, an actor, a mimer, but I can be one who inspire others to achieve such goals and even be involved in realising such arts and bring it into the world. Yes! Yes! That will be so beautiful. Performing for the Lord!