Arrrrhhhhhhhhhh. I think I've been very 'lost' the last few weeks. Looking at my posts, it's like I am so emo and so unfocus. I guess realising datelines have not been 6 weeks but effectively on 2 weeks, it woke me up and at the same time a heavy weight is unleased. All seemed hopeless but God is still faithful and gracious. I hate to put God to the test, not that He takes up my challenge, but everytime in such situation of grace, I know I had let God down. I know I had let many people down.
And even as Good Friday and Easter Sunday approached, everything about the project was on my mind but God. Instead of tuning down life and solemnly reflect and make sense of the Lord has done for us on the cross, I was just too caught up with trying to make any sense in my project outline. And instead of waiting in anticipation of Sunday, the day that the Lord rises to glory, I was just anticipating for new ideas and points to boost up my project.
I wish I wasn't such a letdown. I wish I would be more organised in life. I wish I wasn't such a procastinator. I wish I wasn't such .... watever.
And now I realise another big boo boo I've make. Being too nice isn't always wise. And my life is so filled with drama serial plot that I think I can effectively write a 300 episodes at this stage of my life. I wish things were clearly. I dun need a positive answer. I just wish things were clearly.
I guess I am those believers who are so caught up with the world's and personal affairs that they just 'couldn't' leave their 'commitment' when Jesus was led on the Via Dolorosa. Totally oblivious of the significance of our faith.
Unworthy................................................................................... me..............................
Via Dolorosa
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