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Well! I'm not sure if this entry will be a long one. And i will simply just update on the things i could remember.

31 Mar (Fri)

Had small group in the evening. Den learn about my grandma had a bad fall again. I think this time is quite serious one. Somehow felt very sad. My grandma is like nearly 83y/o. And she lives alone becoz none of her sons are financially abled to support her. Her daughters, however are able to but den grandma sure won't want to becoz in the older generation, it is not a practise for parents to stay with the son-in-law. Ai yah! So rubbish! NVM! Then i myself feel very frustrated becoz i can't communicate with her. She kinds of dote on her grandchildren and yet I'm not able to reciprocrate that love back to her. Whenever she is in my presence, all i could is smile and try to make out those simple Hainanese word that i know. It's pathethic. Crap! How i wish I know Hainanese? I try picking it up but den i'm just simply not a language person. Haizzzzzz.

1 Apr (Sat)

April's Fool day! I guess it has been a long time i had play April's fool day after I'm out of school. But i'm still very cautious. And true enough there were some pranks going around. Haha! Morning, meet up with Ding yi, Xin Ling and Amelia to play basketball. Did some shootout. Then went home to bath and went to TM to buy gift voucher for Si En's belated birthday. Den went TM food court to eat. Den i curiously bought this $3.80 Jumbo Ice Kachang. Hmmm! it sure did attracted a bit of attention. Even with Ding Yi, Si En..... and Xin ling, all 4 of us can't finish it. Haha! Then went church. During Youth Fellowship, we had "Parents - You are Invited Day." Had a lot of fun and excitement. Praise the Lord. Then after tat, nobody eating dinner so had to settle my own dinner. Didn't eat anything but went home. Den had news of grandma's condition. It seems like it was pretty serious. She broke her ligament and won't be able to use her left leg normally again. I'm really sad. Tentatively keeping the news from her since letting her know also won't help much.

2 Apr (Sun)

Woke up and went church with sis. Attended Chinese Svc but was too distracted to catch the flow of the svc. Haiz. After svc, went with sis to NUH to visit grandma. Reach there but she was asleep so went down to the foodcourt ate a dessert and then went to the main lobby and sleep. Haha! Tired boy! Then at about 2pm went up again and she was awake. Dad and mum and some of the uncles and aunties were there. So went to try to talk to grandma. She was high spirit as usual, her normal personality. As i see her aged, frail face marked with the lines of passing years, it somehow dawn on me how much more years will she have. Dun get me wrong. I'm not counting her days to her final bed but i'm just thinking how much longer do we have to spend this (hopefully) blissful years with her. Hmmm! Life is so unpredictable. But thank God we have God who is in control of everything. After an hour, we left and took a cab home. Stop halfway to go church meet Marcus, Yvon and Mag. Den when reached there, realised they abandoned me to go to Li Boey's house. Hmmmm! Then was waiting to go for soccer training and then it rained. ARRRRRGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHH! Why? Why? Always on Sunday and this time. 2nd week in a row. Then met up with Marcus they all to eat dinner at TM's LJS. After that went NTUC to stock up food. Went home!

Well! That's about what happened these few days. Rather feeling down these days. Going into a mood swing again. AAARRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGHHHHHH!!! Somehow having this feeling of playing Hide and Seek. Andworst is that i do not know when to Hide or when to Seek! Lord, pls help me! I'm really in a state of confusion. I know there are things that are not meant for me to know now because it is not time yet. In my anxiety and yet knowing that i had to be patient upon Your timing, my mind and heart is at conflict. Help me Lord! Take away whatever that is not from You. Help me to focus on You and not of the things of the flesh or the world. Amen!