If you can't be a gentleman, dun be anything at all!

Men out there! Listen carefully! Yes, if you can't be a gentleman or even at least act as once, go vaporised yourself. If you can't be a good father or husband dun get married. If you think that you are of superior being, maybe you should go see yourself in the toilet bowl. I'm blowing my top again. That father of my is really getting on my nerves. I really dun know wat to do. I just wish i was a bad kid and den i will have no reasons not to give him a good lesson. After his surgery, his attitude nvr improves but becomes more erractic. Maybe you think that I'm just a person who has low tolerant and an unfilial son. I wish to think so but i'm not. He is really pushing his limits. His lamentations have not stopped. He will have any critics on anything. Then he will keep complaining that he has to take so many medicine (which is normal since it is required by all heart-by-pass pple). Den he keep saying his condition not improving. It's all in his mind lah. Den he say that he would rather not have gone for the surgery which he feels had make him worst. Rubbish. So selfish thoughts. Yah lorh! Dun go for surgery then get stroke then the whole family has to slog physically and financially to take care of him. By the way, that's what he say, he say he rather get stroke den go for surgery if he knew the outcome. Then my poor mum has to constantly take care of him, meeting to his 'buffet' needs. Non-stop calling my mum for this for that. Like my mum is the maid or the home nurse. Come on man, how old are you alreadi, not as if he is bedridden or wheelchair bounded. Then the worst is he will always verbally abused my mum. Then my mum is those who had been sloggin at home to take care of the family so is a bit kind of back-dated and she is really lousy at quarelling. So everytime she quarrels with him, she always put herself in down wind and always end up being abused verbally by my dad. Then my dad also nvr show her respect outside. He will either shout at her or make a spectacle. I still can ta han if he shout at me or try to pick a quarrel becoz i can handle it but not when he does it with my mum. Go pick on someone your size if you are a true man. Den he also one ungrateful person. Today he just say one of the nastiest things to my sis. My parents going to China so my sis bought an extra thermal gloves for them. So my dad commented they had more than enough and why she buy without asking HIM. Then he go on saying about the Korea trip which my sis went and she bought back this $1000 worth of Ginseng product for them. He say that it's a waste of money. Wat type of father is this. Being filial and this is the shit you get from him. Really i'm hitting my top. I think the frequency i'm hitting my top, my level has leveled to like lvl50. Very soon, i can up level to the next job level. Sometimes, even though i have a father, i feel like i have no father. I'm saying this not out of anger but in fact with sadness. I dun like to compare but when I see other people's father, i can only just stand there and envy. I'm sure every father is not perfect but at least i know their fathers love their family more than themselves. My dad is the opposite. He loves the family but he loves himself more. He has contributions to the family but it doesn't justify his responsiblity. All my life, honestly, I nvr learn anything from him nor is there anything that i want to model after him. The only thing i learn from him is not to follow his foot steps. But den again, it left a lot of holes in my growing up. I grew up insecured, inconfident, timid, unsocialable (intentional becoz afraid). Despite all these, I still give thanks to God. I nvr had a good role-model but den He showed me the way. He brought me out of the valley. He let me sit at the top of the mountain. He comforts me when i'm down. He encourages me when I fail. He praise me when I do well. He shows me what is right and He disciplines me when i'm wrong. He never fail me. He never stray away nor took a nap. He stood behind me, beside me, in front of me and above me. He is my Father in heaven.

Lord, I know my earthly father had failed as a father figure but I pray that you will take away any hatred, anger, bitterness or pain from me against him. I don't want to judge him. And I ask that with Your love, You will help to change him. And that at times when I'm blowing my top, Lord help me to calm down and may Your grace fill me. And even though he fail, You never fail and I thank You for guiding and caring for me like a shepherd to a lamb. And I pray that God, You will help me to become a good husband and father when i become one. Thank you Lord. Amen!