Dating........

Oh..... isn't it nice to date.......!!!!! Isn't it nice to have someone who is always there to care for, always showering you with love and flowers and diamond rings and fine dining and tours and ....... Erhh.... Hmmm..... On a second and prudent thought, I think it's better to invest in properties. At least, you can reap interest out of it.

On a more serious note, this topic has been widely discussed, debated, struggled with and blah blah blah! It seems like nearly everyone cannot escaped from it. Unless you are just simply interested in investing in properties. Haha! Good for you! Well! I'm 25 years and as I look back, I have thought about it, struggled with it and never been involved in it! (LOSER!) Maybe? Maybe not! I will get to this at a later part.

Many a times, we deal with it in our own limited understanding, the world perspective and fail to allow the Dating Master to get involved. Dun get me wrong, I am not saying God is a flirt. God created man and woman to be attracted to one another and eventually to become as one body in marriage. So if He brings 2 together, doesn't that makes Him the one who knows Dating the best. On Saturday or rather yesterday, during Youth Fellowship word time, my small group was touching on this topic DATING: WANTING, WISHING, WAITING!

Well! I started the session with some info on myself in relation to dating. I shared that up to date, I have in total 8 crushes (more like crashes), never dated before, first time I indicated my interest to a girl, she totally didn't respond and also once, I overheard a girl saying that I was cute and I end up "shiaming'' her. Haha! As I paused for a moment to look at these events, I praised God. I'm glad that I have never been involved in any relationship with that 8 crushes becoz it was never meant to be and most probably, I would have hurt the other party too deep. (actually also partly becoz I nvr dared to approach them! Haha!) At the same time, as I stay single, I start to see things in a broader perspective and I start to have a clearing understanding of relationship is all about. Though I may not have fully comprehend the mystery of relationship (which i believe I won't), I am now more confident in Him to provide. People always say it is good to go into many relationships so as to gain 'experience' and helps to 'identify' what type of girl or boy suit them the most! I beg to differ it. For me, obedience is more important than going around trying to find the right one. Wouldn't God have chosen and reserved the best for you. Then why do you go around playing 'Ti Gum' game, hoping that eventually one will turn out right! (Disclaimer: I'm not saying this to shoot at anyone in particular but rather that's how i feel the world treats relationship) I dun like to play "hide and seek''. There's a season for everything. You may argue that one cannot expect to sit down there and God will drop the right one right in your face. I agree. It will never happen. I will talk more abt this later.

So carrying on with my lesson, we talk about Wanting. Wanting a relationship. All of us have a desire for companionship. When we were baby, we want our parents. When we have siblings, we want to play with them. When we start schooling, we have friends. And at a later stage, there's this desire for a soul partner. It's normal and that's how God has created us. To desire for a relationship. But we have to be careful, becoz if this desire gets out of control, it will have an adverse effect. If our desire for human companionship is greater than our desire to have a relationship with God, we are on a way trip to many troubles. We read from John 4:7-18 where it talks about Jesus meeting a Samaritian woman at the well and He asked her for a drink. Then He goes on talking about the Living Water that quenches thirst. Jesus later revealed that this woman had 5 past marriages and at present is having an affair. From this woman, we see that she has a desire for companionship maybe out of security reason and that explains her multiple marriage and affair. From this we can see her desire is nvr quenched and she keeps searching in vain. That's becoz her priority is wrong. She has no relationship with Jesus who is the Living Water that will quenched her thirsting desire. If she have known Jesus or trusted in Him, she will never have felt insecured and end up having multiples marriage and affair.

Next, we covered on what if our perspective of Dating is not in a Godly manner. We talked about 3 things that will happen.
1) Our dating standards will be lowered.
- maybe becoz of our desperateness, we just simply take what is placed in front of you, nvr mind if the standard is way below what you want
- and also we fail to wait upon the Lord to present to you the best

2) External than Internal
- we are more concerned with External than Internal. Good figures, good look, dress well.... but nvr mind about the characters. Surely one who look good and dress well should be of great character. Dun get me wrong. Good looking is not a sin but in fact, it should be something to give thanks for. (but having a good look also has its responsibility, if i have time, i will talk about it) I'm against the superficial judgement of how one looks for a partner.
- Prov11:22
“Like a gold ring in a pig’s snout is a beautiful woman who shows no discretion”
- Prov31:30
“Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeing but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised”

3) Too much pressure in the relationship
- when God is not in the centre
- this is something that I can talk about and go on and on. This is something that I personally feel is of great concern which make me conclude not to find a non-Christian girl. (Got time, i will expand a sharing on it)

So be careful. The world will offer you many other drinks - Slurpies, Big Gulp, Frappucino, Tequila Shot. They are sweet to our tooth but also they are temporal and doesn't quench our thirst. Only the Living Water will quench our thirst.

As we conclude on the desire to have a relationship with the someone special, for those who are still single, take this time to really build a relationship with Christ and allow Him to unfold the true you and also for Him to reveal the Right one.

WISHING! Wishing for the type of partner we want. Intelligence, good-looking, hardworking,.... I believe there are many much more things we look for in the partner we want. Let's take a look into the book of Genesis, chpt 24. It talks abt Abraham asking one of his servant to look for a wife for his son, Isaac. And he listed out the requirements he wants to see in his daughter-in-law.
1) In the family (v1-9)
- Abraham wants the lady to be one who is in the family of God
2) A servant's heart (v12-21)
3) Trust God (v58)
4) Respectful (v64,65)

To summarise, Abraham wanted to find a girl
Who is in the family of God
Who serves God
Who trusts God
Who respect God

and in turn we shd look for a girl
Who is in the same family as ours
Who can serve God alongside with you
Who will together with you trust in God to develop the relationship
Who respect God so this respect will flow into respect for her

WAITING. This is the hardest part of dating. It is not comfortable but I believe that it is a moulding process.
1) Do not wait for any person in particular but wait upon God
2) Singlehood is not suffering. It's a season to build one up in character and spirit.
3) Do not wait for the wrong things for they come with consequences.

I end the session with my own philosophy for dating.
When do we start looking for the other half?
My approach. 4 M's

1) have both of you Met God?
- do both of you have a relationship with God?
2) do both of you Model after God?
- do both of you follow the way of Christ?
3) do both of you know the Mission God has for you?
- this is a bit tricky. It may be hard to identify. But yet it is something which shdn't be neglected. Give an example. There were once these 2 youths who were together. Then at a later stage of their lives, their Mission in life have been revealed to them. Both of them feel the need to do Evangelism. But the girl's calling is in overseas and the guy is local. They talked thru, seek counsel, pray thru and eventually feel that the relationship cannot move on and they mutually agreed to end the relationship in a Godly manner.

4) only when the above 3 M's are carefully considered and met, would i suggest one to find a Mate!

And when we do find a partner, how shd we approach the relationship. Earlier on, I was talking abt waiting upon the Lord but there's this concern on by sitting there, God will not drop the right one right in our face. Agree. On our part, we have to do something. The world teaches about getting into as many relationship as possible to find the right one. I half agree with it but I'm against the liberlism in the way the relationship is carried out. No substance, only emotional baggage and nothing honouring in God's eyes. For me, I still strongly recommend dating but in another form. I called it Friendship Dating.

Here's how this theory works:
1) Stay near the well
- the well refers to the Christian Community we belong to. Look at how Rebekah was found. At the well side. In the olden context, the well is where everybody gathers.
2) Observe and identify
- observe the opposite sex with respect not lust. See and identify what are the characters that you are attracted to. This will help you in the future to idenify the type of girls you will like.
3) Possible one
- if you have identify a possible one, do not rush into it. Take time to pray about, seek the counsels of the mature ones
- and if you feel he/she could be the one, approach he/she and verbalised your interest but with no obligation from the other party.
- if the other party agree, then this will move you into the proper of Frenship Dating

FRIENDSHIP DATING:

1) Stay as friends, nothing more, nothing less. This is to reduce the pressure on having unnecessary emotional baggage
2) Must have accountability. Preferably with a Godly and married couple
3) Focused on Character Understanding and Character Building
- Character understanding as in knowing each other, the good and the bad ones. Transperancy.
- Character building as in building each other characters on God's word
4) Has a time span. At the end of the time span, both parties will make a decision if they feel they can develp on. This part shd be done with the mentors. If both parties are agreeable that God has a greater plan for them together, they can move on to a deeper relationship and usually it means lookings towards getting married and etc.... If both parties feel that it is not possible to move on, then they simply end the Friendship Dating and still very much are friends.

Well! These are what I have. It is not the solution. It's just something I feel can help me have a more wholistic relationship with people.

And also coming to the point that I have not been attached. Well! I choose to praise God for that! I learn so much more than i would have if i have been attached. And all those pains and hurts which i didn't go thru but yet i have seen it in people's life. All these while, God has been moulding my characters. That's what I truly treasured.

And my prayer is that I will not lose sight of God's faithfulness and to continue to fix my eyes on Him. Let not my flesh cut me from receiving the best from God. Help me to be patient not so much to wait for the one but to wait upon His timing. Praise be to our God! Amen!