Wish......

".....irthday to you............. Make a wish!" Hmmmm...... What shall I wish for? There's so many things on my mind. How about another 1 million more wishes? Doesn't sound too bad huh.... Everybody has wishes. People make wishes when they see flying stars, when they celebrate their birthday, when they toss the smallest change they have into the well. I'm not too sure but when girls make wish, do they always imagine themselves as a princess and looking at a bright star in the sky, making a wish? Fairy tales! Nice right!

25! Some people say that equates to a quarter of a century. Some say that is the change in cents that you will get when you pay a McDonald Value Meal with a $10 note. (actually it's I say one) Some say that's is mid way line of my life on earth (also i say one, maybe 1/3 lah! dun wan to die too young) 25 years have sweep past me! Any regrets? Plenty! Any wiser? Maybe! It's definitely a long way but it's only by God's grace. Thank You Lord! But in fact, I have kinda stop looking forward to my birthday after my 21st. Fearful of getting older? Nah! I think after a certain point of time, I just realised age doesn't matter anymore. It doesn't say much abt me. What says about me is simply just who I am. Yes, true enough people have certain expectation of others at different age but I follow God and not man. God shall determine how I should behave. Haha! And another reason why I dun look forward to birthday is that I feel that day, somebody else deserve the seat. Mums! Why? Becoz, they carried us for 9 months, suffered intense pain for a few hours in labour. The day we were born should be a day to celebrate our Mum's heroic act. Haha!
Yesterday, I had 1 cake celebration at Khim's place. A cheese cake. Hehe! I love it. I think they really know my taste. Before I make a wish, my mind seems to enter into a time zone where there was no time. (what i'm trying to say is that in a few seconds of time, my mind went thru a fast-forward thinking pattern) What should I wish? There is something that I really love to wish for. As I look back in relation to this issue, I always take a passive step. I simply just say to God, Let Your will be done! It's not specific. I just feel that I should not allow my expectation 'corrupt' God's will. But den I was reminded that God does listen to our heart's cry. In the bible, David was waging a war with his enemies and he ask God to delay the sunset and God did exactly what David requested. Let me get this right, God did it not becoz David had control over Him but becoz David was a Godly man and God blesses them. I want to be like David, to be Godly in God's eyes. I want Him to bless my desires not becoz He has to give it to me but becoz, He knows it's the best for me. So as I return to Auntie Khim's yard, I make a wish. I told exactly what I wish for but yet at the same time, trusting in His will and timing.
Today, afternoon, the youth celebrated my birthday with a chocolate cake. Someone gave a lame excuse to go and buy the cake. Again, coming to the point of making a wish. Same wish as yesterday? nah! I always make another wish during celebration with the youths. I'm not going to say it out. Becoz if i say it out, it will never be fulfilled in a sincere manner. It has to be brought out naturally. I'm seeing the fruit of it. Not ripe yet but I know it's going to be a great harvest. It's not my work but it's God's hand at work. If I ever leave the Youth Ministry or die, let not anyone remember me of who I am or what I have done but rather who He is and what He has done in my life!
Back at home at nite, it was cake celebration with my parents. B4 that we had dinner at Hola. Honestly, there's a communication break down in our family. We never like to talk during dinner time or family gathering. Not becoz we have attitude problems but rather we (me, my sis and my mum) dun like to communicate with our dad. He is the one with attitude problem. Can never talk to him for more den few sentence without ending up quarreling with him. But den at today's dinner, dun know why suddenly there was this moment, when we just spoke and joked. To be frank, my heart sunk and was close to tears. I quickly dug my hand into my eyes and I simply gave the excuse that my eyes were dry. Haha! How I wish all this while, we had communicated in such intimate manner. At the cake ceremony, yes, once again, it's wishing time. This time I prayed to God for my dad's salvation. It's way past the date due. I must be more proactive. But i dun know how. Only He can help me! I prayed for my mum's health and that I will be able to give her better life asap. I prayed for my sis's work and her future. I prayed that I myself finish study and start working and also the specific prayer I prayed yesterday night.
Lord! I know You know my desires. But above all these, You know the best for me. And this time, I'm not going to sit there and do nothing. I will put up a struggle if I have to, just like Jacob who will never give up anything that is good in Your eyes. Even if at the end, it did not go as I would love it to be, I will not regret. Lord! Show me the way, open up doors, tear down walls if that's Your will to be! Amen